1. |
haunting
03:24
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i can still feel the barrel
pushing into my head
its been 12 years
thought it'd go away but instead
its a stupid thought
in the back of my mind
whatever happened to moving on
with time...
im haunted
im haunting
the past keeps running up on me
cant help all the sadness
and the nights alone
im pushing people away
cause of a debt i owe
i never prayed for forgiveness
only that it would change
shouldve known better
than to expect anything
cause i shouldve known that its never gonna well
so many crosses to bear, a faggot at the motel
finally ran out of time and lies to sell
except a picture of happiness
to some lost fucking soul
i hope it brings some peace
because its taking its toll
im haunted
im haunting
the past keeps such a hold on me
can you tell me that its alright and im okay
because i feel it all starting to crush me
going out of my head this fucking anxiety
but i gotta get dressed up to please
ive been praying for hope and ive been praying for change
but the sins of the flesh can take the fucking blame
getting lost in the mirror
loving who i see
some girl
on the computer screen
and theyre saying a name
its one i dont know
taking me places
that i didnt want to go
its hard to deny
all the pleasure and pain
ive been without it
and i felt like nothing
im haunted
im haunting
the past keeps such a hold on me
im haunted
im haunting
the past keeps running up on me.
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2. |
2001
03:43
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i want to feel like im supposed to
i hope for good but it never works out that way
i want to pray like im supposed to
how do you hope for change
when i cant believe in anything
telling myself things get better
but im crying over buildings falling down
so stuck i cant escape my own voice
a pretty girl cant run from an old boy
i wanna be right
but i know that im so wrong
i wanna be right
i dont know what the fuck is going on
i wanna be right
but i know that im so wrong
i wanna be right
i dont know what the fuck i even want
i dont know what the fuck is going on
i dont know what the fuck i even wrong
i dont know what the fuck i even want
i wanna feel like im supposed to
praying for a miracle
but ive never seen a sign
i wanna scream let out the demons
cant change a fucking thing
heavens light it never shined
telling myself things get better
but im crying over towers falling down
so stuck in my own head
i cant escape my own voice
a pretty girl
but cant run from that old boy
i dont know what is even wrong
i dont know what the fuck i even want.
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3. |
second coming
02:24
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i wanted to be just like you
in a photo watching time disappear
at the party sitting on the back porch
just wanted to stay near...
god save the cats the dogs the trees
save everyone but just leave me
god save my parents save my friends
leave me with no one and nothing
this towns full of devils
wandering eyes take me away
streets swallow me whole
in a house of god where i would pray
i wanted to be the one you called
when the whole world fell apart
a somber voice on the other line
saying "u have a good heart"
this could be home
but i cant stay
wouldnt have anything
anyway
im wasting time
doing bad things
indulge the hatefulness
in me
im being selfish
say "dont go"
everyone leaves
i already know.
god save the cats the dogs the trees
save everyone but just leave me
god save my parents save my friends
leave me with no one and nothing
god save the cats the dogs the trees
save everyone but just leave me
save my parents save my friends
cause i dont deserve anything.
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4. |
break pt. iii
02:50
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i couldnt picture
a life without the pain
trapped inside a puzzle
with every memory
i said "amen"
was praying for some hope
looked around for an answer
but found a great resounding no.
it all feels so infinite
the skies the trees in love i seem okay
but things never get better
the fucking jokes on me it always is
there was some accident
im glad it wasnt you on the highway
the metal twisted and stained
i felt so bad when i called cause i was so relieved
i hope i get to heaven
but ill take whatever penance i receive
it all feels so far away
the skies the trees in love ill always bleed
i couldnt picture
a life without the pain
trapped inside a breath
before you took it out of me
i said "amen"
was praying for some hope
look in the wrong places
didnt know that i was home.
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5. |
pulse
02:04
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take me to heaven
its only in your arms
i dreamt of you last night
woke to an alarm
remind me
to take these pills
so i dont feel so alone
what happens if i take another handful?
will the pearly gates lift me from the ground
trapped in a basement the pulsating sounds
of some show im up next
i cant stand to scream your name
i just want to go back
before everything changed.
im falling in reverse
wish life was just a fucking dream
id wake up and move on
but instead it carried without me
so tell me what should i ask
when im praying to your holy ghost
cause its taken so much
and i dont think i can take much more
cause all i know is how to bleed
carry a cross for all to see
watch the building crumble and fall
years later feel the weight of it all
black tie dinner and a show
a broken promise heads hang low
turn off the tv look up from a phone
theres a world around
but i cant go.
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6. |
salt
03:20
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Wish i could admit
All the things ive done wrong
Shouldn’t have gone along with it for so long
You said just slide
And I knew exactly what it meant
Came so quick, was gone in a moment
Drawing a circle in salt
To keep my spirit safe
How much worse can it get
How much more can I take
A shivering smile
Backwards talk
A long fall
From a short walk
Stumbled and dropped
Couldn’t decide
A face in the crowd
But I cant hide
Picked me up
And I drank your blood
A cross carved in stone
Never did any good
Did you hear my words
I never prayed aloud
Stubborn adulthood
Am I too proud
Am I too proud to admit
That I cant get the shit I want
Am I proud to admit
That I cant do the things I want
Am I too proud to admit
That I cant keep doing
All the same shit
Walking in circles
Talking myself
Out of a life
That I could be around
And living
Instead im
Forgetting what its like
To breath in
And breath out
Breaking my circle of salt
Because I don’t have what it takes
I’ll give into anything
If it makes me feel good I’ll break
A fucked up smile
A stumbling walk
A long goodbye
For a short talk
I wanna feel the rumble
I want to be the building collapsing
Something to remember forever
As a memory in passing.
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7. |
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put on a show
give up the ghost
when im down in the chop
just hold me close
crooked as a dogs hind legs
make me do it even when i beg
cause i cant even tell what i want
when i say i dont mean, its just a front
talking to god through a screen
ask if he'll wash me clean
cause im drenched in all my sin
and im starting to love when im sitting in it.
put on a show
give up the ghost
when im down in the chop
just hold me close
put on a show
give up the ghost
when im down on the chop
just hold me close
why does this keep happening
undressing with a camera on
but im feeling wanted and needed
but they just leave me here bleeding
fucking up and making mistakes
paying penance for decisions i made
nice to feel wanted and loved
but its only for a while and its never enough
its just never enough
they just leave me here bleeding
its just never enough
but im feeling wanted and needed
they just leave me here...
hey fuckface can you tell me
that its not worth my time
so i pack it all up and say
"out of sight and out of mind"
wanna lay down and die
but im too much of a bitch
ill destroy everything that i want
just because i could finally get it
put on a show
give up the ghost
when im down in the chop
just hold me close
put on a show
give up the ghost
when im down in the chop
hold me close.
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8. |
hunger
02:05
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cant tell what im doing
dont know how to feel
when im running on fumes
nothing feels like its real
when i wake up
when i go sleep
i dream up the life that i want
but never do a fucking thing
all the jokes we thought
so fucking funny to tell
im scratching out my eyes
all the regrets we felt
broken tv sets
that shattered out of shame
the image never disappears
its always staying the same
theres a destroyer out there
i feel it inside of me
but i cant push it away
cleaning me out while i bleed
tell me all of the bad dreams
and ill tell you the truth
while you whisper "all the hate
will bare down on you"
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9. |
melt
03:04
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when you call i come running
like a dog to a. bone
when youre here
i feel a little less alone
and ill talk and talk
and you listen and listen
but in the silence
i wish we were kissing
im melting
im melting into you
found old pictures hidden under the bed
theres one where im laughing
and shes resting her head
on my shoulder like you used to do
i could spend forever
melting into you
im melting
im melting into you
let me have one good thing in my life
ive been asking for something
give me a sign
im watching tv
i always cry
at the slightest sight
of a happy life
been wandering around
cant do what im told
i feel so young
but im getting so old
just want to be near
just want to be seen
but i cant look at you
how you look at me
im melting into you
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10. |
fade.jpg
03:48
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im fading away
im fading away
im fading away
im fading away
i dont know what i can ever be so call me up
i could tell you all the truth you ever wanted to know
i wanna tell you all the things ive done
wanna tell you how im doing better than last year
but im scared of the exile
the wordless moments
sitting in silence
i know its coming
im fading away.
ive been staring at a screen for days
dreaming of telling you everything
wonder how it will go
and how ill feel
wanna know you real bad
wanna feel like youre real
instead its a bad dream
im stressed out and worried
im praying for something
i know i cant get
i know i cant
i dont know who you wanna be so call me up
i can tell you all the shit that happened over the years
wanna tell you how im doing, that im doing good
i wanna tell you how im feeling like im feeling right now
but im scared of the exile
the wordless moment
the sitting in silence
i know its coming
im scared of the judgement
so ill just push it
its nothing to me
but its everything
walking home from the liquor store
saw something that reminded me of you
and i called
been hoping that youre doing well
since we last talked
im just wandering the aisles
yeah "im just killing time"
im fading away
dont know what the fuck i want
i dont even know whats wrong.
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11. |
user
02:20
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jesus christ im so scared to die
had a hard enough time in this life
wander around and see all the things i try
such a failure couldn't even wake in time
all the things i held so close to me
made me feel like i shouldn't believe
all the people i love just watch me bleed
im a user and im fucking up everything
jesus christ you watched the building fall
bet you didnt even feel much remorse at all
while im crying watching footage on the tv
somewhere deep down i wish it were me
cause i got it so easy
i dont even want it
all the things i held so near to me
made me feel like i shouldnt believe
all the people i love just watch me bleed
just a user and im fucking up everything
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12. |
shooter
03:18
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both hands together
pray to the holy ghost
trapped with myself
the one i hate the most
all of these decisions
find a way to place the blame
but it all comes back to me
running in circles with my name
now i live in some shitty apartment
at 26 i missed my parents
wonder how live couldve been
wonder how it ended up like this
couldve been safe
couldve been married
couldve had a kid
and started a family
couldve worn white
without feeling like death
couldve been what i never had
instead im sleeping alone in a twin bed
filled up with dreams i lived out in my head
growing out my hair then ill cut it again
i hate the way i am and i cant pretend
to smile like i used to
watching towers crumble to dust
its in that empty feeling
that i keep getting lost
its a relic of the past
hope for the future
life in another time
i was always such a straight shooter
now im lying alone
hope it goes away
in a self destructive prophecy
the things i couldnt change
nights spent in love
trying to be eloquent
but the hate thats growing
felt so relevent
everythings fading
like ink from the pen
i think about it all
over and over again
i was always such a straight shooter.
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13. |
pleaser
03:52
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when its all over
ill say that i do
always here pleasing
its sad and its true
never was enough
even for myself
taking all the medicine
and im still going to hell
if i take out my lungs
could you breathe for me
know how i feel
and do all the talking
im finally ready to admit
im scared just like a kid
ive done so many bad things
but i dont know what was said
cant let myself believe
any of its for the better
but if it was id smile
and id be a whole lot happier
but instead im feeling like a weight
drowning at your feet
let the air out of my lungs
and wait for you to save me.
just save me.
they said just to believe
wish i knew when i saw it
id give up my whole heart
and everything for what i wanted
but im stuck inside
watching replays of a tragedy
was talking so much shit
the building toppling as seen on the tv
so i waste a couple hours
wander the aisles
buy a few things
my parents never had the time
for the type of sadness
this all brings
the liquor stores 24 hours
bottles there call my name
pack of cigarettes in hand
i said id quit but ill start again.
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14. |
destruction
03:20
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i am the maker of my own evil
always here watching while i bleed
cant be good without the destruction
cant see anything to find faith to believe
oh destroyer
its good to see you again
i thought i left you behind
youre always 2 steps ahead
oh destroyer
tell me how it should be
cause i cant go on like this
i cant be anything
see the beauty all around
in the cats, the dogs, my friends, the trees
but i see nothing worth loving
when im looking back at me
i said im sorry
i meant it everytime and say its the last
cause i thought i moved on from this shit
but its always coming back
oh destroyer
its bad to see you again
i thought i left you behind
youre always 2 steps ahead
oh destroyer
tell me how i should be
i cant go on like this
i cant do anything
so swallow this earth
and all their petty problems
cause ive given up
on even trying solve them
oh destroyer
i know ive called your name before
never thought youd make it back
guess i got my fucking answer
so take what you want
you can have it all
the stone from the collapse
the bodies from the fall
oh destroyer
i know ive asked for a swift death
but i got a second chance
and i think i want to go for it.
i tried everything
oh destroyer
just leave me be.
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